Men Are Jerks.... Don't You Think?!

Today as I was sitting on the beach watching my boyfriend teach a surf lesson a drunk, seemingly homeless (he would somewhat prove me wrong on that one....) man approached me...


"Men are jerks! Don't you think? I don't mean to scare you... I just want you to know that men are jerks!"
"Yeah..."
"I hope no one steals my stuff... It's just a tarp and some food. I came here to meet a guy who said he wanted to fight me but he didn't show up! He was a big guy too! HUGE! So now since he didn't show up, I'm drinking a 40! I have to go back to the Haight soon to sing. I make $102 singing you know. Can I sing for you?"
"No, it's okay."
"I have a wife and kids. She grew up in Santa Cruz, my kids were born there... We have a house there. I also have 7 castles in England, you know? .... Can I sing for you? I'm not trying to pick up on you... One wife is enough!! Can I please practice my vocals for you? I'm on my knees begging you like John Lennon!"
"No, I have to watch this surf lesson."
"Honey, you don't have to do anything! You don't have to do a thing he tells you. Men don't control you!! I'm going to walk over here and practice my vocals, just so you know."

As he finally walked away another surf instructor came running up to me and told me that some other woman had called the cops on this guy because she had had a much more threatening conversation with this guy. Luckily he only wanted to warn me about men and finally understood my brush off!

Praise Jesus, A Woman!

Today the 43 Masonic was super packed but I managed to see a couple seats in back that no one was using. So I made my way back there and there was a young guy with a skateboard standing in the way. I ducked under his arm and he let me by and when he did a crazy man in the row behind mine goes:

"Yeah!!!"
Skateboarder: That was chivalry.
Man: Praise Jesus!! You brought me a woman!
Skater: Are you Christian?
Man: Protestant. Fuck those Mormons! You follow Jesus, you get the women.
Skater: I go to church every Sunday and I have a woman. So you're right!
Man: I don't. My ex smoked crack 3 times and I did too and she still says "I love you".... NO!! End that conversation!
Skater: Haha
Man: My name's Bruce Lee. What's yours?
Skater: I used to be obsessed with Bruce Lee too.
Man: I'm not obsessed. I AM Bruce Lee!
Skater: Alright this is my stop.
Man: What's your name?
Skater: Ignatius
Man: Is that biblical? Wait! Is that biblical!?! Does anyone on the bus know if that's biblical?! Well.... close enough! That boy is under the spirit. Knocking on Jesus' door with that name. White people are nice. ALL OF THEM!

This man smelled like tuna and the whole conversation had me thinking maybe the skater was a little nuts too.

Must Eat Birds!

"Damn birds.... Acknowledge me!! Acknowledge me you damn birds.... So I can eat you!!" - Homeless & crazy man at Union Square.