Road Rage

Today I was on the 24 and not one person was talking which seemed eerily quiet to me but, whatever, I thought. I even felt too awkward to call my friend on the phone like I had planned to, until....

"LEARN HOW TO FUCKING DRIVE!!! JESUS!!!"

comes flying out of my Muni driver's mouth.

Who's Birthday Is It Really?

"You know what I give my grandkids for Christmas? IOU's. It's not their birthdays, it's Jesus'." - Older woman to a stranger on the 72.

Beauty & Brains

"You got a B? ... No? You got a C? Come on! You gotta get the grades to match the beauty!"

Little Boy Blues

Today on the K there was a little boy sitting next to me dressed in a full suit. He was the cutest little thing and he had his head on his mom's lap and hummed to himself the entire way. Something about it comforted me so much. Loved it!

Praise Jesus, A Woman!

Today the 43 Masonic was super packed but I managed to see a couple seats in back that no one was using. So I made my way back there and there was a young guy with a skateboard standing in the way. I ducked under his arm and he let me by and when he did a crazy man in the row behind mine goes:

"Yeah!!!"
Skateboarder: That was chivalry.
Man: Praise Jesus!! You brought me a woman!
Skater: Are you Christian?
Man: Protestant. Fuck those Mormons! You follow Jesus, you get the women.
Skater: I go to church every Sunday and I have a woman. So you're right!
Man: I don't. My ex smoked crack 3 times and I did too and she still says "I love you".... NO!! End that conversation!
Skater: Haha
Man: My name's Bruce Lee. What's yours?
Skater: I used to be obsessed with Bruce Lee too.
Man: I'm not obsessed. I AM Bruce Lee!
Skater: Alright this is my stop.
Man: What's your name?
Skater: Ignatius
Man: Is that biblical? Wait! Is that biblical!?! Does anyone on the bus know if that's biblical?! Well.... close enough! That boy is under the spirit. Knocking on Jesus' door with that name. White people are nice. ALL OF THEM!

This man smelled like tuna and the whole conversation had me thinking maybe the skater was a little nuts too.

Painful Conversations On Muni...

This conversation made my stomach churn.. Don't worry, it does it worse and worse and so much worse as it goes on.....

Girl: But you'll see her when she gets back right?
Guy: Yeah, of course.
Girl: So... Are you single while she's gone?
Guy: What do you mean? We're married.
Girl: Well while she's away do you guys see other people?
Guy: Sometimes.. It depends.
Girl: I don't understand....
Guy: Oh. You're just 18. You don't understand! I'm just going to stretch my arm out around you... That's better! Sometimes we just don't get along when she's here but it's awkward because we only have one bed. So of course, you just roll over and have sex!
Girl: Where does she want to go?
Guy: She's not sure yet but not Africa because she says white people don't belong there.
Girl: Where else could she go?
Guy: I don't know but I have a friend who went to  Thailand and his friend got raped. It was like... 'The forecast is fog with a chance of rape!' Hahaha.
Girl: What do you do when she's gone?
Guy: The thing is, I have lots of friends but I wouldn't really want to have sex with them.... I went to a gay bar with a buddy because he said it was a good way to pick up chicks.
Girl: How?
Guy: Fag hags. Girls that go with their gay friends to gay bars. They are always complaining. Those stupid girls but there are so many! Do you get that?
Girl: No... Fag hags?
Guy: It's complicated.... They complain to their gay friends and then go drinking.


UGHHH!!!! I wish I hadn't been there to here this one.

Men Are Like Children

Professor: "So when a kid is punished, it has to be done immediately after what they did wrong."
Student: "Like men."
Professor: "You mean like human beings..."
Student: "No. I mean like men!"

So good :)